You may be thinking what the big deal is about being a husband-to-be in Lagos and you may be right to think so. Nevertheless, I choose to believe I’m not the first husband-to-be in Lagos (from here on referred to as H2BL) freaking out about his upcoming nuptials. Any H2BL who isn’t, is capable of being a serial killer. Hence, it is a BIG DEAL.
As I updated the wedding expenditure list today for the umpteenth time, I updated my BBM display message with the title of this series with no real intention of following through with writing it. Though it made sense to write such a tale but Alas! where would I find the time? A few minutes after I put up the title, someone asked for the link to the story. Ah ha! Someone or even more, as I expected, was interested in reading it. That was all the inspiration I needed to begin this documentation of my journey into husbandhood. Thank you Oyinye.
Going back to the title. I could have just called it “the chronicles of a husband-to-be” but where’s the fun in that? Lol. So ordinary. It doesn’t jump at you Shey? Also not adding “Lagos” would do this tale a grave injustice. You see, being a husband-to-be is one thing while being a H2BL is another thing entirely. I’m not quite sure I can or would ever be able to put it in the proper context but this I do know; being a H2BL is pretty HARD. It’s one of those things better experienced than explained. Ask any H2BL you know.
I believe the primary difficulty comes from living in this crazed city called Lagos. As Pastor Wale Adenuga once said, Lagos is killing us slowly and we’re oblivious to it. The traffic, Shylock landlords, ear piercing noise, fumes, crowd, filth, name it. It weighs heavily on you eventually but do we give ourselves brain and seek calmer environs? Nooooo!!! We remain in Lagos. Dying slowly everyday. Lagos has become our narcotic of choice and we are completely addicted. All the rehabs in the world can not help us. Now add all that stress to the expectations of being a husband-to-be; 84 hits Killer combo.
Finally I understand why the older folks say you only become a man when you take a wife. In fact in the small part of the world I come from, the aforementioned older folks would continue to refer to an unmarried man as “master” rather than “mister” no matter how old he is. I used to think it was a whole lot of cow dung rubbish but now I’m in total agreement. Taking a wife nor be pikin play o. Omo at this stage ehen, like every Nigerian with a personal problem who expects the government to solve it, I call on the government to come to the aid of husbands-to-be. The National Legislature should pass a bill into law mandating the CBN to pay a sum of N1million to all men who choose to marry. In addition, those in Lagos will get a plot of land in Ikorodu as hazard benefit. All those in favour say Aye!!!
We H2BLs need all the encouragement we can we get. After all we all know at least one guy who is old enough and can comfortably afford to marry but has chosen the life of chasing UNILAG girls up and down instead.
The next time you see a H2BL, give him a pat on the back. E nor easy.
P.S: Try not to ask H2BLs about the date of the wedding. It only increases the stress. You can ask the wives-to-be. They delight in answering such.
Don’t miss Vol. 2.
I don’t know many things but I DO know this is a sore topic for the large percentage of girls who for lack of any other way to ruin their lives have decided that bleaching out their skins is the only way to fulfill their higher calling. What is it with the high number of skin lightening soaps, creams, washes and scrubs littering the market these days? And more importantly, what is it with this trend of everyone suddenly thinking they have to lighten their skin to be beautiful? Continue reading
Is it just me or is Phyno spending a lot of time with Psquare. A fortnight ago he was on hand to win a bet of $5000 he placed with Peter over the Chelsea Vs. Atletico Uefa Champions league match. Now he is seen posing in one picture or the other with the brothers. Its pretty obvious Phyno is a good buddy to the dancing/singing duo and visits their home frequently. Maybe they’re plans in the works to bring Phyno to Square Records (the record label Psquare is signed on to) They have even collaborated on a Phyno song titled “O set”. Could their recent friendship be the start of more collaborations or a permanent marriage made in musical heaven?
By the way, have you noticed Phyno’s “ALOBAM: NGNG” tees? He wears them almost everywhere these days. In photo shoots, on stage, at home, in bed, in the loo…Lol. The tees are getting wide spread attention and his fans are beginning to notice. Some are wondering where they can buy it. He recently put the waist twisting hiphop/highlife king, Flavour, in one of the tees and posed for a picture with him. Lovely stuff. “Alobam” apparently is the title of a track on his “No guts, No glory” (thats what the NGNG stands for) album and loosely translated it means, my homies. The album titled, “No guts, No glory” was released back in the tail end of March 2014.
Mavin Records is plus one today. Yayyyyy!!!!. The record label created out of the ashes of Mo’ Hits is a year older today. The ups and downs have come aplenty but Don Jazzy, head honcho of the label, remains resolute and keeps getting the label to churn out hit after hit. At inception, the label was an epic fail. The album used to launch the new gig was an all time low for Don Jazzy. Not even the introduction of Tiwa Savage could help the nose dive. A lot of people called for Don Jazzy to kiss and make up with D’ Banj in other for the hits and good times to start rolling back as neither seemed to be doing well after the split. But Don Jazzy continued to work on their sound and it seems it has eventually paid off. Mavin Records now boasts of some of the best hits around today. Songs like “eminado” and “surulere” have become classics in the mold of tunes like “ten, ten” and “pere”.
They may have lost their black diamond, Wande Coal, when the latter decided to follow in the steps of D’ Banj and walk out of the group but that hasn’t stopped Don Jazzy and the Mavin crew from soaring ahead. More recently, their song “duro buchi” has fast become a social media trending topic. Fans from all over the world have been uploading videos of themselves either singing or dancing to the song on Instagram and twitter. “Duro buchi” has even found its way into social media lingo. Everything is “durro” this, “durro that” these days. Don Jazzy is definitely in a class of his own when it comes to musical artistry. He really is a “duro” good producer.
The delectable star of the hit US TV show Scandal is a first time mum. The 37-year-old new mum gave birth to a baby girl – Isabelle Amarachi Asomugha on April 21 (nearly two weeks ago) but managed to keep it under wraps until May 2 (yesterday). Oyinbo celebs sha, they can go to any extent to successful keep things from the public eye until they’re ready to reveal. Makes you wonder how some of them get caught red-handed in dirty dealings.
In case you’re wondering why the baby’s name sounds Ibo, well, it is. Kerry is married to a Nigerian, Nnamdi Asomugha, for over a year now and this is the first child of their union. “Amarachi” means “God’s grace” and is befitting match for the baby’s middle name for the baby’s first name, Isabelle which means “devoted to God”.
Scandal (the show in which Kerry plays lead character Olivia Pope) was put on hold to allow Kerry usher in her baby into the world. Scandal fans can expect to see the show return soon to their TV sets. Maybe Amarachi (the name we prefer to call the bundle of joy) could make a cameo appearance. Fingers crossed.
The African/Nigerian R n B duo are set to release a brand new single titled, “After God, fear woman”. Like any other P’square song, expect its subsequent music video to have Kaffy, sexy video vixens and lots of dancing – directed by Clarence Peters and Jude Okoye. Those who have sampled the song have lauded it as the best thing since Shoprite bread. In fact, the only draw back about this highly anticipated single is that it only exists in the over active imagination of the writer of this piece. I can hear all the “long hisses” already. But before you click the back button or move on to seemingly more interesting things, let me ask what your views are on what started this war threatening to tear apart the last great music duo anywhere in the world. Yes you read right. P’square are one of the few successful duos who have stuck together through thick and thin. However it seems that even though they shared the same womb, they have succumbed to the one factor/thing that can severe any relationship; a factor that has crumbled empires, “WOMAN”.
According to my biased analysis, the root cause of their ongoing squabble is a woman or more appropriately, two women. A great sage (stroking my scantily bearded chin) foresaw this when Paul Okoye got married but many did not give credence to his fore telling. After one has dissected all the accounts of the genesis of their current state of warfare, one will be forced to come to the same conclusion as I have. Nothing in the story is hardly worth a few heated exchanges subsequently settled over a bottle of alcoholic beverage or two. Therefore, I posit that it is the women in their lives really at war and not the brothers. They’re the only recent change in the life of P’square. Yes their women have been around long before now but they both didn’t take the Okoye last name until recently. The women are clearly the generals in this war. Extremely tactful in the art of bickering while the brothers are the foot soldiers merely obeying orders. My deduction is drawn from the fact that Eve’s daughters bicker over the most mundane things; such things the brothers may have over looked in the past. Such mundane things have inadvertently become the root cause of what may very well be the end of P’square. I would be stating the obvious when I say that no one would benefit from a split. Neither Peter or Paul would succeed on their own in this cut-throat world that is our music industry. That is the reality none of the parties seem to have grasped.
While I pondered upon what the future holds for the twins and the role of Mary Slessor in all of this, a little bird whispered in my left ear. It spoke of a publicity stunt. One in which the brothers intentional initiated this fake beef with the aim of garnering enough headlines in the press and remaining in our consciousness. As the story goes, the duo are about to release a new album and opined that a publicity stunt was in order to sell more records. “How can these things be?”, I questioned the strange bird with crooked wings. “Wait and see”, was its reply as it took flight catching the west wing that blew past my penthouse suite. It is in the light of this delicate info that I have chosen to “take several seats” and just observe as the P’square scandal unveils.
I just dey observe.
P:S: I was just about done with this piece when another bird flew in bearing stories of a sudden reconciliation between the warring parties. We therefore await the album. Lol.
(Photo courtesy Bella naija)
– Michael Freesoul
I bet no one would get them all. Lol. :D. Let’s see you bring out the inner cartoon freak in you. :D